Semester Reflection

This semester has felt like a whole new chapter in my life. I feel like I've started college from the beginning again, only this time I'm with people who have been around the block a few times, and I'm the new kid. 
With being the new kid, I had to learn my way around. I had to learn how to approach new topics, think through big things, and even look for answers to the questions of my faith.
Thankfully, I was guided through this journey. I have been blessed to not go it alone, and I've been surrounded by people that have been there for me since the beginning, and will be around to the end. 
When I think about the person I was before this semester, and about who I am now...I feel like a different person.
A beloved professor uses an Indian American analogy to talk about a student beginning to grow by using the example of deer hide.
In the beginning, the hide is stiff, and if forced, will break very easily. But if the hide is massaged, slowly pulled and tugged, then in the end, the hide will be stronger and maliable.
For me, I have been pulled, and stretched. Sometimes more than I particularly enjoyed, but always growing more through the process.  My hope is that I will never finish growing; I pray that my God will always be molding me and stretching me, making me firm and supple in Him.
This semester was far from easy, but it is the most rewarding semester I have ever had. My mind has been blown, time and time again about the people, culture and creation that my God has made.
And I'm a part of it.
You are, too.
And I'm so thankful for all of the opportunities that I've been blessed with, and the ones I'll be given in the future. But most of all, I'm thankful to the God I serve, and am in awe of Him and the things that He does everyday.


John 15:25-27
These things I have spoken to you while I am still with you. But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I have to you. Not as the world gives do I have to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

Came To My Rescue

Falling on my knees in worship
Giving all I am to seek your face
Lord all I am is yours

My whole life
I place in your hands
God of Mercy
Humbled I bow down
In your presence at your throne

I called you answered
And you came to my rescue and I
I wanna be where you are

In my life be lifted high
In our world be lifted high
In our love be lifted high
(Came To My Rescue, Hillsong)

Psalm 25:1-5, 8-10
"To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul. O my God, in  you I trust; let me not be put to shame; let not my enemies exault over me. 
Indeed, non who wait for you shall be put to shame; they shall be ashamed who are wantonly trecherous. 
Make me to know your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths.
Lead me in your truth & teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.
Good & upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in the way.
He leads the humble in what is right, & teaches the humble his way.
All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love & faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant & his testimonies. 

I Need Thee

"Take every opportunity to be an example [For Me]."

After what feels like moments, hours, days and weeks of desperately seeking and waiting...these are the words that are whispered into my soul.

Recently it feels like from every area of my life I'm being told to be unreasonable for the one who did unreasonable things.

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man". -George Bernard Shaw


"Be the change you wish to see in the world."- Gandhi

These are just a few of the words that have been spoken to me in the past week. And all of them resonate into my soul and reverberate in my mind. 

"Do what you can, with what you have, wherever you are."

 Isaiah 61: 1-4 [1] The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; [2] to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; [3] to grant to those who mourn in Zion— to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified. [4] They shall build up the ancient ruins; they shall raise up the former devastations; they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations. (ESV)

I'm finding that the more questions I have about the world and changing it for Christ, and the more ardently I pursue the answers, I am left with more questions than I had when I started. There are times when I can't see how being an example for Him answers what I'm to do with my life. But it's something from my Savior. That is more precious than anything I can ever have, and in turn, will answer any question that I could ever dream of.

I want to be at a place where I can look at the world, for all of its' brokenness & imperfections and see the joy in the Lord interwoven. 


It's hard to grapple with the fact that the world as I know it isn't exactly what it seems; that there are dark corners of sadness and even larger parts of joy. It's even harder learning what I am and feeling like I cannot change it in the way that I want to. Thankfully, I know the one who does, and will, and IS.

There's one more thing that keeps running through my mind:

"Now, dear Christians, some of you pray night and day to be branches of the true Vine; you pray to be made all over in the image of Christ. If so, you must be like him in giving..."Though he was rich, yet for our sakes he became poor"...Objection 1. "My money is my own." Answer: Christ might have said, "My blood is my own, my life is my own"...then where should we have been? Objection 2: "The poor are undeserving." Answer: Christ might have said, "They are wicked rebels...shall I lay down my life for these? I will give to the good angels." But no, he left the ninety-nine, and came after the lost. He gave his blood for the undeserving. Objection 3: "The poor may abuse it." Answer: Christ might have said the same; yea, with far greater truth. Christ knew that thousands would trample his blood under their feet; that most would despise it; that many would make an excuse for sinning more; yet he gave his own blood..." (Keller, 108)


I am a wicked rebel, and I am so thankful that he gave his own blood, even though I am undeserving.

When I think about this, I'm  reminded of lyrics to a hymn that will always be true in my life:
I need Thee, oh, I need Thee;

Every hour I need Thee;

Oh, bless me now, my Savior,

I come to Thee.
I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;

No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.  
I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby;

Temptations lose their pow’r when Thou art nigh.
I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;

Come quickly and abide, or life is vain.
I need Thee every hour; teach me Thy will;

And Thy rich promises in me fulfill.
I need Thee every hour, most Holy One;

Oh, make me Thine indeed, 
Thou blessed Son.

Jonah 2:9-"But I with the voice of thanksgiving will sacrifice to you; what I have vowed I will pay. Salvation belongs to the Lord!”

As I sit here, on my couch, next to my wonderful roommate in our apartment furnished by those that love us, I think about women around the world.
Women of different color, religion, and roles in life.
I think about sacrifice. We're asked to give everything that we have for all of the people of the world--to serve the least of these, because that's what Jesus did, and I want to know Him and be like Him.
The women of the world: black, white, Muslim, Hindu, Nonreligious--all need to hear of the freedom of my Savior.
But why me? Why am I going? What makes me even CLOSE to qualified?
Someone recently told me, "If God couldn't do what He wants through you, He would have chosen someone else."
While, that's reassuring to know, it still doesn't answer my question. Why me, a white girl who has been blessed her whole life, not knowing real trauma or pain...why am I the one to go and share with these women? These women that have grown up broken, that have never known real love and have experienced so much in their lives that I couldn't even imagine.
And I'm going. 
To do what exactly, I'm not really sure. I don't know much of anything, really. 
But I do know that God has a greater plan. And that in my worries, fears and doubts,  He will be glorified. And in the end, that's what really matters anyway.

Micah 6:8. "And what does the Lord require of you, but to do justice, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?

justice |ˈjəstis|
noun
1 just behavior or treatment : a concern for justice, peace, and genuine respect for people.
• the quality of being fair and reasonable : the justice of his case.
• the administration of the law or authority in maintaining this : a tragic miscarriage of justice.


Over the past few days, due to a turn of events (my inability to accurately read a syllabus, therefore resulting in an early start on homework), I've been reading through Timothy Keller's Generous Justice. In the introduction of the text, Keller makes a point that has stayed with me. He comments on the current generation and their gusto for volunteering and changing the world.
 "From their youth culture they have imbibed not only an emotional resonance for social justice but also a consumerism that undermines self-denial and delayed gratification...While many young adults have a Christin faith, and also a desire to help people in need, these two things are not actually connected to each other in their lives. They have not thought out the implications of Jesus' gospel for doing justice in all aspects of life." (Keller, xi.)


This is in the INTRODUCTION. That concept along is very thought provoking. I makes me wonder, what would have happened if I would have done all of the things I set out to do? What would happen if we didn't get distracted by good things and went for the great things that God does? How DIFFERENT would the world look? How much more would His name be proclaimed?


Farther on in the book, Keller quotes Job 31:13-28 saying,
If I have denied justice to my menservants and maidservants when they had a grievance against me, what will I do when God confronts me?...If I have denied the desires of the poor or let the eyes of the widow grow weary, if I have kept my bread to myself, not sharing it with the fatherless-but from my youth I reared him as would a father, and from my birth I guided the widow-if I have seen anyone perishing for lack of clothing, or a needy man without garment, and his heard did not bless me for warming him with the fleece from my sheep, if I have raised my hand against the fatherless, knowing that I had influence in court, then let my arm fall from the shoulder, let it be broken off at the joint...these also would be sins to be judged, for I would have been unfaithful to God on high.


Commenting on the passage Keller remarks,"He [Job] is not at all satisfied with halfway measures for the needy people in his community. He is not content to give them small, perfunctory gifts in the assumption that their misery and weakness area permanent condition." (Keller, 14)


My eyes have been opened by this book, and I haven't even read a third of it. We, as followers are changed by the King. We have been given a task to promote justice-not just by defending the weak, but by treating all people with equity, with the standard of unconditional love. For Jesus, unconditional love was to the point of death on a cross. For us, how do we unconditionally love? Is there a disconnect in our lives between passionately doing justice and then living our lives?


Are we willing, as Paul was, to give up our own Salvation for those who are enemies of the cross? Do we love other people enough that we see them as higher than ourselves?


How different would the world be if we saw the broken as Job did-worth giving everything up for? Do our hearts break at the thought of the broken, fatherless and widowed? There are a lot of questions, that don't have easy answers. But I believe that the ultimate question is this:
Do we love God's people enough to break ourselves for them, the way that Jesus did?

Keller, Timothy J. "14." Generous Justice: How God's Grace Makes Us Just. New York, NY: Dutton, Penguin Group USA, 2010. Print.

Forever Reign

You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see

You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering

You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost its sting

Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough

Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim

You are here, You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go

My heart will sing
No other Name
Jesus, Jesus

Forever Reign, Hillsong

Waiting for A Change

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried.
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait!"


"Wait?, you say, wait!" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By FAITH I have asked, and am claiming Your Word."


"My future and all to which I can relate
Hands in the balance and You tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign."


"And Lord, You promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, as we shall recieve.
And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!"


Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...for what?"


He seemed then to kneel and His eyes wept with mine,
And he tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.
All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want--but, you wouldn't know ME."


"You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;
You'd not learn to see through the coulds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silend were all you could see."


"You'd never epserience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know tht I give and I save...(for a start),
But yo'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart."


"The flow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST."


"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for thee.'
Yes your dreams for your loved ones overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you!"


"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see that
The greatest of gifts is to GET TO KNOW ME.
And though oft may My answers seem terribly late,
My wisest of answers is still but to WAIT."


-Author Unknown

Life is crazy.

Today is the last day of camp.
A lot of thoughts are running through my head.
I'm going to miss these crazy people-they've become part of my life, and my heart.
I REALLY miss mac & cheese.
God has radically flipped my world upside down this summer. I'm slightly afraid of what the future holds, but totally excited.
God is good. Three things are eternal: The souls of man, the Word of God, and the Glory of God. I can't wait for school, but I want summer time as well.
I don't want to lose my chaco tan. It's amazing and wonderful.
This has been one of the greatest summers of my life, and I've made friend that will last for forever.
Read 1 Peter 2. It'll change your life. Live as people who are free, follow Christ with all you have, and learn from His character.
So, here's to change-the excitement, heart break and adventure of it all.

O Death, Where is Your Sting?

Prayer Journal entries from Week 3:

20/05-Lord, you are too God not to be praised always.

21/05-"Faith is only as good as the object of your faith."

22/05-Lord, here I am. Take my heart. Break it for what breaks Yours.

23/05-Make A Difference: Acts 1:8-James 1:27-Micah 6:8-Deut. 10:17-18

24/05-O, Death, where is Your Sting? God You are Greater, God you are Stronger, God you are higher than any other.

Our God

Thoughts from my prayer journal over Week 2:

12/05-Jesus, teach me to live generously, love the marganilized, free the oppressed, show mercy to the hurting, give to the poor, and take the good news to the lost.

13/05-Lord, I pray that I will live not by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of You.(Matthew 4) 
"Godliness is not perfection, but it is the pursing of the perfect one."

14/05-Lord, I pray that your word will be my bread, your spirit my guide, and your love my reason for life. [even if it means I have to eat fish every day for six months...]

15/05-"God is more concerned with His Holiness and Our Holiness than our Happiness...Walk in Righteousness, Fight for Holiness."

16/05-What does the my Lord say to his servant? (Joshua 5:14) Follow Me and Wait. Take my life and let it be Yours.

17/05-Lord, I want to praise you in the tired times.

I Will Bring Praise

It's been a while since I've written. There hasn't been time, and I haven't had the desire. Even right now, I don't really know what to say. This week has been filled with highs and lows. I've feet completely comfortable and completely isolated.
While this week has been filled with events, the only thing I can say is the only thing left to say:
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name!

Meg Musings for the week:
-There are so many countries, and so many people in the world who don't know Jesus. Father, please send workers, and open hearts and minds.

-The reality of the Christian life is this: Christ did for me what I couldn't do for myself. He continues to do that daily.

-At the end of the day, in all of the pain and brokeness, the only thing we can do is worship the One who brings goodness and Glory out of it all.

One foot in sea and One on shore

It's amazing to me how our senses work. How one sound, smell, taste or picture can transport us to another place entirely. One bite into a coconut biscuit, and I'm not in America; I'm in a mud hut living room, drinking tea and listening to Ginny and Vikash laugh about something.
Whenever I hear a gas stove start, I'm with Britt while she heats up water for Bandy's coffee when he eventually stumbles out for it.
I have many memories like this. We all do. Some are more vivid than others; some are more important than others. Some memories are so strong, that they will never be forgotten.
Sitting here, putting off a paper, I'm thinking about memories. I'm thinking about all of the things I've been blessed to do, the people I've been loved by, and who I've gotten to love. I'm thinking of all of the amazing things that God is doing. I'm excited and scared to be a part of them.

Recently, Psalm 86:11 has been on my heart. It says, "Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name."

It feels like we're all coming to a place where we need answers. I'm already being asked what I'm doing after graduation. When people I ask, I really want to inform them that I still drink apple juice, eat goldfish and am no where near mature enough to be in charge of fifteen 8 year old. Instead, I tell them that I'm not sure, but everything will work out. (Sometimes I feel like they would respond better to the first answer than the second.) And with planning for next semester, everything seems to be going by really fast. I feel like I'm standing in two places: one is college, and the other is life after college. There are times when I feel like I'm doing the splits, but there are others when I'm not worried at all. Thankfully, God is good and will reveal everything in due time. I'm sure the key is patience, but that's something I'm still learning. So, what to do?

I should write my paper. I will cling to Psalm 86:11.And in between all of that, I think I'll make as many memories as I can.

Through the Journey

(This is written from last week.)
All day long, I’ve been traveling on a bus. Traveling through cities, towns, and open space. Some of these roads are familiar, others not so much.

The last time I was on a bus like this, I was traveling through cities I’d never seen, towns I’d only dreamed of, and bright green rice fields. None of these roads were familiar.

This time, I get on this bus to make music. I am on it with people I know, a language I understand, and there is room for all of us.

The last time, I got on a bus was to go record music. I was on it with people I didn’t know, surrounded by a language I had never heard of, and there wasn’t room to breathe.

At this point in life, my bus decision depends on the day. There are some days when I want to take the bus I’m on today: where I know my place, I understand the people, and talking about Christ is with the sister next to me.

But then there are the other days. These are the harder days, the days where I wish I could choose the other bus. These are the days when I feel like I don’t belong, when I feel like a complete outsider to this place.  

The past few weeks, I've been in a waiting place with Christ. There are so many opportunities, people and things that can be done. I love people, and I love places. These past few weeks I've sought wise counsel, laid before Christ, and have been learning a lot about myself. 

I don't know much, but a know a little bit more than I did before. I still don't have answers about places or people, but I do know one thing. My God is a gracious God, and when I lay my cares before Him, He takes care of them. My biggest fear is that I will miss the opportunites that God has for me. I'm afraid that I'll be so excited about one thing, I'll miss what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm also afraid of expectations. I'm afraid of breaking the expectations that others have placed on me.

But when I've thought about this, I was reminded of a conversation I had with a new friend. He reminded me that one of the biggest things that we as humans lack in following Chrisr is the aspect of faith while waiting. He told me that as long as we seek Christ, and read his word, the next step is to listen and follow in faith. 

While praying recently, I was encouraged with 1 Peter 3:13-17 that says, "Now who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for righteousness sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscious, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God's will, than for doing evil.

So, at this point, I'm doing what I can to follow in faith. I have no idea where that will take me, but I've been told that it's not about the destination, but the journey.

Curiouser and curiouser...

Ever since I can remember, I've been in love with the story of  Alice in Wonderland. I don't know why, it's just a story that I've always been fascinated by. I watched that movie thousands of times growing up, and I even played Alice when I played with my cousin.

It's only since I've been in college that I've revisited the story, and read through the book again. And, after revisiting it, I remember why I love it, and get more out of it now. When you're six years old, Alice is a girl that gets to go on all sorts of adventures, play croquet with a queen, and saves the day. But re-reading it, I've found myself relating with Alice more than I've ever realized. Alice goes through so many changes throughout the story; throughout the book she feels that she doesn't know who she is ("I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then."). I feel like I go through that on a daily basis. One of my biggest struggles is feeling like I belong, or have a place. I feel like life is just...common.

At one point in the book, Lewis states that,  

"Alice had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the common way."

Today, I was talking with a professor, and we were talking about the Quakers. I learned that they started their worship service with silence. They did so, to take time to listen to the Holy Spirit, and wait for Him to speak to them. Like the disciples, they took the time to listen, to hear what God was saying to them, and then to go out and do what He asked of them, in faith. In Matthew 17, Jesus tells is that if we have enough faith, nothing is impossible.

So, here's the question I've been asking myself this evening. What do I expect out of God? Do I have a right to expect anything? I mean, He's the God of the Universe..I feel like expecting anything out of God is limiting Him in some way or another. But what about faith? How do faith and expectation differ? 

I don't have solid answers to any of these questions. Maybe you do. I think that's part of the journey though; asking questions, and working through them. 

One one final question, though. Do you know you stopped believing that all things were possible? When did believing in a Wonderland get lost? What about now? Are all things possible with God...until a loved one you know gets sick? Or when money is tight? Or when it seems like everything is crashing down around you? 

I don't know my answer, but I want to change it; I want to "believe six impossible things before breakfast." I don't want to go on in the common way, only believing and expecting ordinary things. I want to believe that God can do out-of-the-way things.

As believers, we have a HUGE God. One that heals, loves, moves mountains, and changes lives. How is that anywhere near ordinary?

Love unknown

I've never been much of a journal-er. Sure, there were about three entries a year in my barbie journal. Then there was the flower one. I'm sure there miscellaneous ones in between; the mary-kate and ashley mystery notebook can't be forgotten, either. In sixth grade I started a paper for my school; it went through a few issues, but we were in 6th grade. There wasn't much to write about except for Lizzie McGuire and how the jr. high football team was doing. 

Since I've gotten older, I've attempted to keep a prayer journal. I kept one in Peru, and also in Asia. Since then, though, I haven't kept up with one. 

So, here is my attempt at writing down the thoughts of a girl trying to serve an amazing God. I don't know who you are, or where you come from. But I want to share these things with you. Know that they'll be scattered, erratic and nonsensical. But, I hope that this will be encouragement for everyone else out there who is trying to do the same thing. 

This week, I've been meditating on Zep. 3:17, that says "The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love..." (ESV). It's been a long week, to say the least. It felt like it lasted ten years long. But, if there's one thing I can say about this week, it's that I've been constantly reminded that I serve a God who is mighty, and will save the people that He loves. 

At this point in my life, I have no idea what I'm going to do. It's a scary thing, figuring out who you are and what you're going to become; there's so many sides to it, and so many people involved. Thankfully, my mighty God will guide me through it. 

Maybe in the near future I'll fill you in on the details, but for now, I'm off to go babysit some of the most adorable children I've ever met, with one of the greatest, God-given best friends in the world. 

Until next time, know that you don't have to be alone, and you don't have to be on your own.