One foot in sea and One on shore

It's amazing to me how our senses work. How one sound, smell, taste or picture can transport us to another place entirely. One bite into a coconut biscuit, and I'm not in America; I'm in a mud hut living room, drinking tea and listening to Ginny and Vikash laugh about something.
Whenever I hear a gas stove start, I'm with Britt while she heats up water for Bandy's coffee when he eventually stumbles out for it.
I have many memories like this. We all do. Some are more vivid than others; some are more important than others. Some memories are so strong, that they will never be forgotten.
Sitting here, putting off a paper, I'm thinking about memories. I'm thinking about all of the things I've been blessed to do, the people I've been loved by, and who I've gotten to love. I'm thinking of all of the amazing things that God is doing. I'm excited and scared to be a part of them.

Recently, Psalm 86:11 has been on my heart. It says, "Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name."

It feels like we're all coming to a place where we need answers. I'm already being asked what I'm doing after graduation. When people I ask, I really want to inform them that I still drink apple juice, eat goldfish and am no where near mature enough to be in charge of fifteen 8 year old. Instead, I tell them that I'm not sure, but everything will work out. (Sometimes I feel like they would respond better to the first answer than the second.) And with planning for next semester, everything seems to be going by really fast. I feel like I'm standing in two places: one is college, and the other is life after college. There are times when I feel like I'm doing the splits, but there are others when I'm not worried at all. Thankfully, God is good and will reveal everything in due time. I'm sure the key is patience, but that's something I'm still learning. So, what to do?

I should write my paper. I will cling to Psalm 86:11.And in between all of that, I think I'll make as many memories as I can.

Through the Journey

(This is written from last week.)
All day long, I’ve been traveling on a bus. Traveling through cities, towns, and open space. Some of these roads are familiar, others not so much.

The last time I was on a bus like this, I was traveling through cities I’d never seen, towns I’d only dreamed of, and bright green rice fields. None of these roads were familiar.

This time, I get on this bus to make music. I am on it with people I know, a language I understand, and there is room for all of us.

The last time, I got on a bus was to go record music. I was on it with people I didn’t know, surrounded by a language I had never heard of, and there wasn’t room to breathe.

At this point in life, my bus decision depends on the day. There are some days when I want to take the bus I’m on today: where I know my place, I understand the people, and talking about Christ is with the sister next to me.

But then there are the other days. These are the harder days, the days where I wish I could choose the other bus. These are the days when I feel like I don’t belong, when I feel like a complete outsider to this place.  

The past few weeks, I've been in a waiting place with Christ. There are so many opportunities, people and things that can be done. I love people, and I love places. These past few weeks I've sought wise counsel, laid before Christ, and have been learning a lot about myself. 

I don't know much, but a know a little bit more than I did before. I still don't have answers about places or people, but I do know one thing. My God is a gracious God, and when I lay my cares before Him, He takes care of them. My biggest fear is that I will miss the opportunites that God has for me. I'm afraid that I'll be so excited about one thing, I'll miss what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm also afraid of expectations. I'm afraid of breaking the expectations that others have placed on me.

But when I've thought about this, I was reminded of a conversation I had with a new friend. He reminded me that one of the biggest things that we as humans lack in following Chrisr is the aspect of faith while waiting. He told me that as long as we seek Christ, and read his word, the next step is to listen and follow in faith. 

While praying recently, I was encouraged with 1 Peter 3:13-17 that says, "Now who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for righteousness sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscious, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God's will, than for doing evil.

So, at this point, I'm doing what I can to follow in faith. I have no idea where that will take me, but I've been told that it's not about the destination, but the journey.