Curiouser and curiouser...

Ever since I can remember, I've been in love with the story of  Alice in Wonderland. I don't know why, it's just a story that I've always been fascinated by. I watched that movie thousands of times growing up, and I even played Alice when I played with my cousin.

It's only since I've been in college that I've revisited the story, and read through the book again. And, after revisiting it, I remember why I love it, and get more out of it now. When you're six years old, Alice is a girl that gets to go on all sorts of adventures, play croquet with a queen, and saves the day. But re-reading it, I've found myself relating with Alice more than I've ever realized. Alice goes through so many changes throughout the story; throughout the book she feels that she doesn't know who she is ("I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then."). I feel like I go through that on a daily basis. One of my biggest struggles is feeling like I belong, or have a place. I feel like life is just...common.

At one point in the book, Lewis states that,  

"Alice had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the common way."

Today, I was talking with a professor, and we were talking about the Quakers. I learned that they started their worship service with silence. They did so, to take time to listen to the Holy Spirit, and wait for Him to speak to them. Like the disciples, they took the time to listen, to hear what God was saying to them, and then to go out and do what He asked of them, in faith. In Matthew 17, Jesus tells is that if we have enough faith, nothing is impossible.

So, here's the question I've been asking myself this evening. What do I expect out of God? Do I have a right to expect anything? I mean, He's the God of the Universe..I feel like expecting anything out of God is limiting Him in some way or another. But what about faith? How do faith and expectation differ? 

I don't have solid answers to any of these questions. Maybe you do. I think that's part of the journey though; asking questions, and working through them. 

One one final question, though. Do you know you stopped believing that all things were possible? When did believing in a Wonderland get lost? What about now? Are all things possible with God...until a loved one you know gets sick? Or when money is tight? Or when it seems like everything is crashing down around you? 

I don't know my answer, but I want to change it; I want to "believe six impossible things before breakfast." I don't want to go on in the common way, only believing and expecting ordinary things. I want to believe that God can do out-of-the-way things.

As believers, we have a HUGE God. One that heals, loves, moves mountains, and changes lives. How is that anywhere near ordinary?

Love unknown

I've never been much of a journal-er. Sure, there were about three entries a year in my barbie journal. Then there was the flower one. I'm sure there miscellaneous ones in between; the mary-kate and ashley mystery notebook can't be forgotten, either. In sixth grade I started a paper for my school; it went through a few issues, but we were in 6th grade. There wasn't much to write about except for Lizzie McGuire and how the jr. high football team was doing. 

Since I've gotten older, I've attempted to keep a prayer journal. I kept one in Peru, and also in Asia. Since then, though, I haven't kept up with one. 

So, here is my attempt at writing down the thoughts of a girl trying to serve an amazing God. I don't know who you are, or where you come from. But I want to share these things with you. Know that they'll be scattered, erratic and nonsensical. But, I hope that this will be encouragement for everyone else out there who is trying to do the same thing. 

This week, I've been meditating on Zep. 3:17, that says "The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love..." (ESV). It's been a long week, to say the least. It felt like it lasted ten years long. But, if there's one thing I can say about this week, it's that I've been constantly reminded that I serve a God who is mighty, and will save the people that He loves. 

At this point in my life, I have no idea what I'm going to do. It's a scary thing, figuring out who you are and what you're going to become; there's so many sides to it, and so many people involved. Thankfully, my mighty God will guide me through it. 

Maybe in the near future I'll fill you in on the details, but for now, I'm off to go babysit some of the most adorable children I've ever met, with one of the greatest, God-given best friends in the world. 

Until next time, know that you don't have to be alone, and you don't have to be on your own.